If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 49. 265. God has never abandoned me. 271. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. - Donald Trump. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Its okay, he woke up. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. Stop trying to make everyone happy. 168. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 83. 51. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 114. 103. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. 209. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. 5. 240. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. 1. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I tried, but they wanted cash. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Yeah, so is a grenade. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. When life closes a door, just open it again. 193. No, but April may. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Bill Murray 203. Alright, get in the basket. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 7. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Sam Levenson. 10. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Chop your own wood. 158. I thought you said extra fries. Hes dreaming too. ". 87. You can only be young once. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 8. 140. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Enjoy! Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. 35. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. A backbone. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 138. A mind is like a parachute. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Today, I am thankful for this week. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 159. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 154. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. I can create positive change in the world. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 1. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 9. 156. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". 1. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 195. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 37. I see the funny side of life more and more. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. You wanna know who Im in love with? Rodney Dangerfield. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. It makes them so damned mad. 130. In between, I am alive. Use this space for describing your block. Effective pushing often involves poop. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. Milton Berle 19. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Frances McDormand My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. If only common sense were more common. In between, I am alive. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 223. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. I honor that time. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. But you can always be immature. You were too lazy to read that number. In between, I am alive., 7. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 227. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 133. Laughter brings me closer to people. 203. P.D. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Happy Birthday.". Never let anyone waste your time twice. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. I am on a seafood diet. Required fields are marked *. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. - Benjamin Franklin. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 53. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. All rights reserved. 279. Jackie Collins, 240. 267. My mistakes dont define me. 123. Lorrin L. Lee. 52. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Wilson Mizner I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I dont worry about getting older. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 88. We have a connection. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 169. 1. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 114. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . A wishbone. I just go normal from time to time. 102. Its called tomorrow. No No NOYes. 7. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 233. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 154. Everyone brings happiness to this office. What do I do for a living? Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Ive been doing nothing for years. Happiness is a choice. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 43. I am here to live to the fullest. I make a difference by showing up fully. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 81. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 176. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. I draw from my inner strength and light. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. It's OK to take a break. 179. Learn sign language, its very handy. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Chris Rock Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 176. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. 272. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 233. 21. 36. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 250. 275. 136. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. My mistakes dont define me. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Theres no stopping me now. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. 214. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Your email address will not be published. 6. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 25. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I am adventurous. 51. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 142. 222. 201. Because he was always spotted. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 192. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 232. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 174. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Bill Murray Bill Murray, 251. I am strong and getting stronger every day. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 205. Is it perfect? How do you count cows? Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 126. 93. 214. 84. Your email address will not be published. - Bette Midler. 226. 34. A wishbone. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I am full of vitality. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Its scary when it disappears. 69. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Focus on the positives and be grateful. The library, because it has so many stories. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 103. 59. 5. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 266. Funny Daily Affirmations. 37. 45. 47. 162. Sam Levenson. 5. - Unkmown. 141. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 127. 39. Cindy from Marzahn. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. 72. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. East The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 112. 25. Your habits become your values. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 199. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. I am lazy till I get a motive. 164. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 212. 143. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Because they make up everything. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 17. 206. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Albert Einstein 271. We frequently doubt ourselves. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 207. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. George Burns, 253. Bill Murray, 257. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Ann Landers, 244. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 1. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Love your enemies. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 147. Cry a river. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. 210. Decomposing. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. When they go away, its a brighter day. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. This is a snap. 123. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 2. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". I want to afford them., 2. Czech proverb, 261. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". You can only be young once. 28. 9. My mood swings keep life interesting. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 189. 231. 30. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. East. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. They log in. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. 273. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Need to send some positive energy your way? I wish my wallet came with free refills. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 27. 116. Billy Wilder. Jackie Collins Roy Lichtenstein. Steve Martin, 254. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Bill Murray, 258. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Look, youre smiling! Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 94. Microchips. 43. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. I am intelligent. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 193. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. 63. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 10. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 143. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" If only common sense were more common. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. I dont care! I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 237. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 26. 241. Today, I look at my goals. 164. I didnt want to interrupt her. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Short people with an umbrella. Dave Barry. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 211. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. You were too lazy to read that number. We have a connection. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I never apologize. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Because he was always spotted. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. 221. 7. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 223. Alison Boulter Not everyone has good taste. Pat Sajak 213. 20. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 5. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 73. 185. - George Burns. 21. 255. 151. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 89. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love.
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